Short & Funny

The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble,

putting on your pants.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.

When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.


The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..

Born free, taxed to death.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.

Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.

A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.

Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers

The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

Someday is not a day of the week.

Short Jokes

Man: Is there any way for long life?

Doctor: Get married.

Man: Will it help?

Doctor: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

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Don’t you think it’s unnerving that doctors call what they do “Practice”?

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A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

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The doctor took his patient into his office and said, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

The patient said, “Give me the good news.”

The doctor said, “They’re going to name a disease after you.”

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A student grabbed a coin, Flipped it in the air & said,

Head, I go to sleep.

Tail, I watch a movie.

If it stands on the edge I’ll study.

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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

very nice:)

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

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To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

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The road to success??? Is always under construction.

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In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.

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All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else.

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Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

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Everyone has a scheme of getting rich, Which never works.

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If at first you don’t succeed? Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

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You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

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Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

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As soon as you mention something, If it is good, it is taken… If it is bad, it happens!

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He who has the gold, makes the rules —- Murphy’s golden rule.

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If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late, the bus is already gone.

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Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

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When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

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If you have paper, you don’t have a pen. If you have a pen, you don’t have paper. If you have both, no one calls.

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Especially for Engg. students - If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

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You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

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The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

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After a long wait for bus no. 20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other.

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If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.